I'm dying to get this offa my chest...maybe someone else is feeling the same way i am right about now....

There comes a time when it hurts too much to keep the pain hidden that someone has caused u and to act like certain things dont bother u anymore because u tell urself ur "over" him. But it sucks because everyone knows the truth, there's no use in lying to urself and others. When u give urself to someone, it's natural reaction to always have that longing for them to need u the way u need them. Nothing can change the way that u want them to have those same feelings for u and nothing less. But sometimes, no matter how hard u try, their minds are made up about u. It could be because of mistakes that u've made in the past, b/c of fear of commitment, or simply just b/c they r being the typical *guy*. U sit up day and night wondering where it was that u went so wrong...why does he have so much hate towards u? Then u FINALLY realize that u've done absolutely nothing but give ur heart to him and show him in too many ways that what happens to ur heart is all on him. That's what is so scary....and that's when u have to stand up and grow up....realize that it's not the end of the world if 1 asshole chooses not to see how happy u could make him. Don't let him think he can *destroy* u....he's done it so many times and now is the time to let him know that he can't screw u over anymore. Fight back those feelings and be strong...look him in the eyes and instead of the normal tears, SMILE, b/c life goes on and God has better things in store for u....It's not the greatest feeling in the world to see him moving on and of course, ur going to hate the girl that u wish u could be...but he's proving to u that it's possible to put things in the past and seek happiness elsewhere. (oh and NO im not jealous of the actual girl...i think thats quite obvious..do i hear an AMEN girls?! lol) I'll always love that boy to death, and years from now i know he'll still cross my mind, but it's time for me to completely *let go*. U can't let a guy treat u like shit and make u think that u are nothing. There's not 1 girl out there who deserves treatment like that. So i'm finally being smart and completely letting go. At times it might hurt but i KNOW that i can get through it with God beside me. For once im actually excited to see what he has in store for me!!!....

I LOVE EVERYONE!!                     *~*LT*~*

AWW I MISS CLAIRE AND ET!!!!!

Well, its been a good while since i wrote last so i thought id write real quick before i got in bed! I hope everyone is doing great! Ive been struggling lately with things ive never really had to deal with in the past so i dont exactly know how to handle it. God is putting me down different paths and he is REALLY testing me. I have stopped caring about things that should mean the world to me and put the things that are going to hurt me first. BAD mistake... I talked to this guy for the last 4 months or so and really grew to like him i guess you  could say and well, circumstances just came up and God knows what's good for me. Its so hard not talking to him because i depended on him but it is for the best. Its just hard to let someone you really care about go. Yesterday, i started thinking about how much different he is from the guy i used to like tho and it really made me think to say the least...no comparison. So i think theres someone else thats gunna make me feel how i used to...i just havent found him yet! So until then...SCREW DUDES! haha ~ I love hanging with my girls anyways! We have so much fun....cough cough! lol I cant wait till this weekend~ well, its my bed time. everybody be good! love u